Don't Worry, Be Happy

I've always been a worrier. Growing up, my mom used call me "Rachel the Worrywart." Like, I used to make myself sick by worrying so much. I've had enough experiences in my life where the worrying has ended up being WAY worse than the actual event, so you think I would have learned my lesson by now.

Apparently I still have a lot of learning to do.

January has been a worrisome month for me. I had two experiences where, once again, the worrying I felt was much worse than the actual event.

Event #1: Robbie and I decided it was time for us to go get our yearly physicals at the doctor's office. Now, I've never loved the doctor. I was the little girl that my mom had to trick into getting shots because, otherwise, I would throw a nasty tantrum. My mom would say to me, "Rachel, do you want to come with me on a ride and eat some cheerios? Or do you want to stay home with your brothers?" Be with mom? And eat cheerios? This was a no brainer. My mother was, and is, a smart one. Anyways, I've only had my blood drawn once a few years back, and it was one of the scariest things I've ever done. When I called this time to make an appointment, they had me schedule an appointment the week before my physical to get my blood drawn. Oh no. I literally worried about it for days, and finally Robbie told me that he wouldn't allow me to worry until 15 minutes before the appointment, haha (he's a keeper). I told myself that I was grown up and mature now, and would have to learn to handle this. The morning of the appointment came, and I was sick to my stomach. I drove to the office, checked in, they called me back, and within 15 minutes I was finished and out the door. Once again, getting my blood drawn was nothing. Literally, I occupied so much of my time worrying for THAT? I laughed, and then was pretty bugged at myself, and then was so relieved.

Event #2: Once a year, the principal at my school observes each of the teachers for a whole day. Yes, an entire day. Talk about nerve-racking!! Last year, they let us sign up for an observation date, we had time to prepare, and it actually wasn't too bad. It was my first year as a teacher, so naturally I was beside myself with worry, but I made it through and was totally fine. This year, however, they informed us that we wouldn't be able to sign up, but that she would be just popping in for a whole day at some point randomly in the month of January. When I read that email, I kind of had a panic attack. I prepare well as a teacher, but knew that I'd really have to be on my toes throughout the month. A couple weeks passed, and she still hadn't observed me, or any other teachers. I had a couple great experiences where I nailed one of my lessons, or just felt really connected with my kids, and that gave me comfort knowing that I was a good teacher. I knew it, and so whatever happened when she came to observe wouldn't matter. It was an incredible blessing to have those experiences. She showed up last Monday, and my first emotion was relief. The day went well, and she didn't stay as long as she initially said. Hallelujah! I was the first teacher she observed, and she hasn't observed anyone else yet.

Why did I worry so much? I ask myself that question too much. Worrying is truly an emotion that consumes you. It's so awful. I spent such a significant amount of time worrying that I missed out on quite a bit of happiness. There are defining moments in our life that shape our character. When those moments come, we are given a choice on how we are going to respond and act. Heavenly Father sent us here to grow, and has shown us the way to be happy. He has given us agency, and has entrusted us to use that agency wisely. It is empowering to learn how capable we are. When we know who we are, and whose we are, we truly can do anything. I'm so thankful for the opportunities He allows me to have that give me a chance to choose. I'm still learning to use my agency wisely, but we all learn little by little. I'm so grateful He is so patient with me. He loves us so much.

Choose happiness, my friends.